Practical Tips for Hard-Working Parents
By Noel J. Jacobs and Anne K. Jacobs

Although both work roles and family relationships can bring much joy, many parents feel pangs of guilt or, worse, resentment as schedules intensify and work roles increase. While parents truly have power over which activities are essential and which are negotiable, we often feel pushed from behind rather than in control. So, we are here to encourage you:

Take control! Learn to practice work and life balance by design in your lives, so you feel less stressed and can enjoy your work and family roles more. Here are 10 practical ways to do that, adapted partly from a 2001 study of 41 couples who considered themselves successful at balancing work and family.1

10. Identify the Best in Your Work and Your Family Figure out why you initially fell in love with your partner, your kids and your job. Remember the best and dedicate yourself to keeping it!

9. Take Control of Decisions Plan ahead, for both the big activities and the mundane daily strategies. Think and consciously decide what you are and are not going to do.

8. Feel Good about Your Work You have something important to offer the world through your work. Appreciate your contribution and look for the meaning you have created in it.

7. Feel Good about Yourself Taking care of yourself is as important as taking care of your job or family. Value time in all three domains. As difficult as it may seem, make time for yourself every day without guilt.

6. Work Together for Your Family If you’re in a relationship, work with your partner to develop common, agreeable strategies for managing home and child responsibilities so you both feel better at work.

5. Simplify Learn to say “No, thanks. We have enough ____.” (like “activities,” or “stuff,” or “time-wasters” or “complicated recipes!”)

4. Don’t Let Work Ruin Family Time Just as family members can interrupt a work day, jobs can bleed into home life if we’re not careful. Boundaries protect both.

3. Feel Good about Your Family The home is intended to be the safe haven in the hectic world. Your family is the most important part of your home! Make sure you appreciate the good. Pay attention to the good things your kids and partner do and let them know you are proud.

2. Prioritize Family Fun Plan for it — and then enjoy it. Let yourself be a kid with your partner and kids! Even simple things like card games can be fun (and cheap) when we let ourselves have fun.

1. Be Willing to Rethink Your Strategies Times change and strategies need to change. Don’t let the idea that you should do it because you’ve always done it keep you from making good changes to bring balance back when it’s lost.

1. Haddock, S., Zimmerman, T., Ziemba, S., & Current, L. (2001). Ten adaptive strategies for family and work balance: Advice from successful families. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 27 (4), 445-458.

Noel J. Jacobs, Ph.D. is a practicing health service psychologist and an assistant professor of psychology at Southern Nazarene University (SNU) in Bethany.